Celebration of Bonobo Week

This past week contained my birthday, and on Twitter I decided to take that opportunity to post curious facts about the Bonobos. They are also known as the Pygmy Chimpanzee, and they live in the wild in only one place: Congo, in an area south of the Congo River. Currently, they are an endangered species and need our protection.

I am very fond of them for several reasons. First, they are the closest genetic relative to humans. They share almost 99% of our DNA in common. They are also a Matriarchal society, the only one among the Great Apes. In addition to being peace-loving, they are also highly sexual, being the only ape that has sex outside of estrus. This means, they like recreational sex, and not just bonking for reproduction.

Allow me to retweet here all the tweets I put up from Bonobo week on my Twitter Feed. Enjoy.

Welcome to my birth week. This is a week I give out of who I am to you. This week I am featuring the Bonobo, our closest primate relative, with whom we share almost 98% of DNA in common. A primate who defines what Sex Positive is.

During this week, I will highlight the work of primatologists, sociologists, anthropologists, sex educators, and therapists who have written about what the unique qualities of the Bonobo tell us about the future of human sexual and sociological development.

Almost all Bonobos are pansexual. The males will have sex with several partners a day, but are also happy to massage other males to climax. Females will mount the males as often as the males mount the females. There is a lot of sex with bonobos.

Because female Bonobos have more recreational sex (outside of estrus) than any other primate (including humans), they have evolved the largest clitoris in the primate family. They use this to have climaxes with males and females, with themselves, and with multiple partners a day.

IN Bonobo culture, the females eat first, and the males must wait until they are done. However, the males receive almost endless sexual advances from the females and are quite content most of the time.

As I highlight the work of so many to study the Bonobo culture, I will point out the movers and shakers. Here is the first: Dr. Amy Parish. (@DrAmyParish). One of the world’s leading primatologist/anthropologist, specializing in knowledge about the Bonobos. Feminist Darwinian.

“Bonobo females are remarkably skillful in establishing and maintaining strong affiliative bonds with each other despite being unrelated. Moreover, they control access to highly desirable food, share it with each other more often than with males, engage in same-sex sexual interactions in order to reduce tension, and form alliances in which they cooperatively attack males and inflict injuries.”

Female bonobos have highly advanced relationships with each other: https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/BF02733490…

In Bonobo culture, the females are the nomads and the adventurers. The males stay in the tribe and look after the children. The females will often leave and join other tribes of Bonobos. They get bored with the same sexual partners and go off searching new ones.

According to Dr. Amy Parish, the world’s expert on Bonobos, our closest primate cousins love to see videos of humans dancing. They try to mimic our dancing afterward. They seemingly love the closeness. As this week progresses, you will see how much we need the Bonobo energy.

Female bonobos are known to share food with each other and even humans. They love to bond and form protective cliques. Female bonobos regularly stimulate each other to climax and do a lot of G to G sex. Afterward, there is a lot of snuggling. They have very little violence.

If you’re enjoying this weeks’ focus on the Bonobos on my Twitter Feed, consider helping to preserve this amazing primate. Here is a link on Dr. Susan Block’s website where you can help in many ways:Block Bonobo Foundation – DonateOrganizations Helping to Save the Bonobos from Extinctionblockbonobofoundation.org

In spite of Bonobo culture being philopatric (Males care for the children) females not only eat first and have sex when they want, the females are mostly bonded and affiliated to each other, and they are DOMINANT! And, they are mostly non-violent!

Female bonobos, when they want sex with a particular male, go up to him and put an arm around his shoulder. If he won’t comply, she will keep following him around, keep with the arm around the shoulder, sometimes biting him. If he doesn’t comply then, she smacks him in the head

In Bonobo culture, if it does happen that a particular male (who are much larger and more powerful) tries to push his weight around, all the females will group together and will force him to stop this behavior. These are our closest genetic neighbors. What do we learn from this?

According to Bonobo expert Amy Parish, it has been observed that when a female bonobo is sexually solicited simultaneously by a female and a male, she will always pick the female. Apparently, they find the choice quite clear since it is the one they always make.


Bonobo females are very sexual with one another. According to DeWaal, Parish, and others, this is not only about libido. They do this to build good will with other females, creating connectedness to reduce hostility And there is no hostility among females.

(This is a quote from Dr. W. Martin’s book “Untrue”): ““There’s an implicit bias against matriarchy. A lot of people, including scientists, seem to resist the idea that what bonobos do—that females are sexually assertive and strategic, that they build female-female coalitions through sex, and that they are a female-dominant species, period—is part of our evolutionary lineage. Bonobos are part of the narrative arc of humanness,” Parish said, making her point as if it were precisely what it is: a fact.”

Most evolutionary biologists see them as the most likely pre-hominid in our development. They share 99% of our DNA. They: –have sex face to face –walk upright more than any other primate –French Kiss –Use leaves as intoxicants, as antiseptics, antibiotics.

Bonobos Can Teach us: When Bonobos feel threatened, they don’t freak out. Instead, the entire tribe starts having sex. Within just a few pairings, the individual bonobos find their emotions regulate. If you have a Sex Positive mindset, sex can help you self-regulate emotions.

Bonobos are smart. One young male named Kanzi was able to use a symbolic keyboard to communicate; he learned primitive stone tools within days; and he was able to ask accurately for a stick, marshmallow and graham cracker to make Smores.

The peaceful, empathetic nature of Bonobos is hard-wired in their brains. Which tells me that this peace-loving nature is still in our brains. Let’s all find that center. Brain differences may explain varying behavior of bonobos and chimpanzeesBrain differences may explain varying behavior of bonobos and chimpanzeeswashingtonpost.com

On this final day of Bonobo week, I want to show you why this is important to know this small primate. Dr. de Waal believes humans, chimpanzees, and bonobos evolved in parallel with a common ancestor. Therefore, the marked differences between the three can help us see us. Here is the bottom line: Chimpanzees are extremely violent. And they are male-dominated. Sex is only for domination and reproduction. Infants of other males are killed. Bonobos are not violent. They are female-dominated. Sex is mostly recreational and emotional. Bonobos do not kill the infants of other bonobos. They are marked by peaceful co-existence and positive sexual freedom. Humans have a choice. We always have had. We can go down the road of Chimpanzees (which we have since agriculture was invented) or we can change our path. Will we choose the female-dominated path of the bonobos? Or, at least, will we reach a harmony of the sexes and find a way to make peace a central part of all relationships. Candidly, this will mean normalizing Sex Positivity, and all alternatives to monogamy to thrive.

Young male bonobos whose mothers and other female relatives are still in the troop have a sexual advantage. Their female relatives set them up to have sex with other females NOT in the family. They’ll even instruct them when they’re not doing it right.

One final Bonobo observation; Dr. Wednesday Martin (@WednesdayMartin) asks, what if human females were in a female-bonded world, where they felt safe to be in charge of their own sexuality? She posits that human females would see how strong their libidos really are!

Bonobo log: Supplemental Bonobos love green apples. No one knows why. They don’t grow where they live in the wild. But if you drop green apples to them, they will literally have an orgy first, and then share the apples together. Share, people. Sex first; then sharing happens.